For most of us the concept of self care gets lost among the day to day noise, and the never ending to do list. It seems that everything is a priority: the kids, our spouse, work, house, car, social life, community life, aging parents and much more. Over time we find that we ourselves get pushed to the bottom of the list.  Everyone needs a healthy amount of rest, quiet, exercise, and pleasure. But with the daily demands we are finding it more and more difficult to create time for ourselves and not feel guilty about it.
Women especially are prone to constantly looking out for everyone else, and pushing their needs to the bottom of the pile. We’ve been conditioned to care for others and that self sacrifice is a badge of honor for women and mothers. Many fear that they will be labeled as “lazy” or “selfish” if they take time for a monthly massage, facial or schedule time for themselves.
What are the costs associated with pushing self care down to the bottom of the list? The biggest concern is unmanaged stress. Christiane Northrup, MD, and author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing (2006), asserts that stress causes cellular inflammation, which is the origin of chronic disease. The hormone cortisol builds up in our system over time when we experience low or high grade stress on a day to day level. High cortisol levels gradually will erode our systems, causing our immune system to go down and speeding up the aging process. High levels of stress and cortisol over time will exacerbate memory loss, fatigue, weight gain, and hormonal imbalances.
The irony of it all is, as we try to do more and more in a hour, day, week and month, over time a lack of self care can leave us anxious, depressed and less productive. Women who are constantly caught up in the frenzy of daily life listen less to their children and spouses. They are on edge, get angered more easily, and are generally less happy.
The core of self care is ultimately about honoring your body’s  natural wisdom and cycles. It is about taking care of yourself at a deep level. Which means focing yourself to slow down and not buy into this myth of more.
How do you start taking better care of yourself?

  • Reframe who is in charge of your life:

Let go of the idea that anyone knows your body better than you do. Don’t feel guilty about making time for yourself.

  • Get in touch with your body and your feminine side:

Commit to a weekly yoga class, or a weekly walk by yourself. Get a massage once a month, take a bath, stretch.  Allow yourself to be in your body. Try pole dancing, there is a wonderful studio right here in Denver that offers classes for women only that help you get in touch with your feminine side and it is extremely tasteful and a great workout, check it out: http://www.tranzendancestudio.com/

  • Schedule in self care:

As with any business meeting, school event, soccer practice, or social event, put in your calendar time for self care. Carve out some non-negotiable time that is dedicated to you.

  • Let go of being perfect:

Your house doesn’t need to be perfectly clean, You don’t need to make gourmet meals from scratch, your desk doesn’t need to be perfectly organized.  Give yourself some breathing room for margin and mistakes. Perfectionism can be a coping mechanism, a way for us to safe and in control. When you start practicing self care, you move away from “doing” more into a “being” state of mind where not everything has to be put in its place. There is flexiblity and room not to be perfect.

  • Take time to reflect:

Take 15-30 minutes everyday to reflect on what is happening in your life. Take that time to journal, meditate, and reflect on how you are feeling at that moment. Write about what is on your mind.  Whenever you are feeling ansy, stop and start writing about that feeling and where it is coming from. Not only will you get great clarity but generally you don’t waste your time bulldozing into something that is not that urgent or important.

  • Learn to say “no”:

We live in a culture where we are surrounded by an over abundance of choices. If we don’t learn to say “no” we can easily get overwhelmed and waste a lot of time on things that are not that important to our lives.
Be gentle with yourself.  Taking care of yourself is a process and change in mindset.  It has taken me years to re-program the condition response I have to always put everyone else first.  It is still a process.  I have to consciously decide to take time to take care of my own health and well being.  The first step is knowing that you are at choice.  Good Luck!  I would love to hear your comments on this topic.  How are you at taking care of yourself? What do you struggle with?