Everyone’s Unique Life Journeys…
Recently I have been thinking a lot about the choices that we make, that influence the direction that life can take. One of the biggest decisions for me was whom I was going to marry. I could have married in my twenties or early thirties. For one reason or another, the guys that I could have married, I had doubts about. I have a mantra in my life, if the answer to a question is not a clear “YES” then it is a “NO.” This is hard to stick by, because sometimes because our “monkey” minds create so much doubt about the decisions that we make. This mantra has served me well in my personal life.
For example, I was engaged to this wonderful man, we were super compatible and perfect for each other. When it came to actually putting a date on the calendar and planning my wedding, I kept hesitating. I made a list of pros to try to convince myself that I should marry this man, but I always came back to this tiny voice in my mind that had doubts. For that decision it wasn’t a clear “YES” so the answer became a “NO.” That was one of the hardest break-ups for me. I took a year off, and when I was ready to date again, I met Ross, who is now my husband of 6 years.
We dated for a year and I told him I was ready to get engaged and married. I certainly wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to have at least one child. He of course freaked out, we broke up for about a month and he came back ready to propose. After we got engaged, I had no problems setting a wedding date and I loved planning my wedding. It was one of the best days of my life.
I was 37 when we got married. I knew I wanted to have at least one child, we started trying right away and gratefully, I had no problems conceiving and we had our beautiful daughter Maya. After we had Maya, my husband was content with just one child. I myself was on the fence and didn’t feel that strongly about having a second child, when I turned 40… I started getting baby fever, thinking that it would be nice to expand our family. I wanted to ensure that Ross was on board, so it took some time for him become open to the idea of a second child.
I knew that I ultimately, was going to leave it up to the universe and fate. If another child was meant to come into our lives, I would conceive easily and naturally. Did you know that after you turn 40, you have a 25% chance of getting pregnant? Fast forward 3 years and we still have not conceived. I will admit I am sad that biology ultimately rules when it comes to having children. This is the hardest part of marrying later in life. I could try to do expensive fertility treatments, but doing that is not a clear “YES” for me so I have decided to not go that route.
I certainly have no regrets… I am glad that I waited to get married later in life. I am sad that I haven’t gotten pregnant, but I also realize that this is part of my life’s journey, some women don’t marry until their mid-40s or later, while some marry in the early 20s. Each of us, is on this Earth with unique backgrounds and experiences. Embrace and enjoy your own personal journey.